Survivor

Well, I survived the weekend.

I didn't get much sleep Friday night (hello 4am with a squirming toddler - I'm way too old for this!) but I did manage to nap a bit to make up for it on Saturday. LATE Saturday, as the Baby Boy and his wife didn't make it until almost 2pm.  But that's ok.  If free overnight babysitting is what he wanted for his birthday, my sanity barely cost me a thing.  I mean, I did survive raising four children of my own - and with the constant "help" of my parents.

That's probably not fair. My parents were always a lot of assistance, helping me to keep the balance, allowing me to keep a position where I could spend most of my time being mother to my kids.  With four of them, and one of them special needs - VERY special needs (bless her, she still is special needs, but not so hospital-y as she was as a child), keeping balance was near impossible on my own.  My mom would either stay with her in the hospital or take her to clinics as needed, and let me focus on the other three from time to time, or vice versa.  The thing is, mother guilt, my own personal mother guilt, with the added assistance of my mother acting like she was doing it ALL while I took the easy road EVERY TIME, ate away at my sanity.

I could not have done it all without my parents' help, but it did extoll a price.

Lesson learned:  Parents are parents of their own children.  They may ask Lovey for help, but Lovey must remember, that in the end, PARENTS ARE PARENTS OF THEIR OWN CHILDREN.  I don't have to approve of their methods - occasionally I do have to suffer the results of their methods - but I also don't have to live with them full time.  Any fallout, long term, will fall on them.  If what they are doing is a mistake. 

The converse is also true:  I can't take credit for what they are doing right, except for once-removed. 

Credit for raising children, whether it takes a village or what, has always been a pet peeve of mine.  Probably because so many other people have tried to bask in the reflected glow of one of my children, when they are a public success. 

My oldest, the Dancer, has been a public success most often.  LOTS of people want to take that limelight and drag it to themselves.  Makes me crazy.  There was one client I had when Dancer was in college - I never met him face to face - but my daughter had been working with the children's choir at his church for a couple of years.  He would make a legitimate call, but before he would disconnect, EVERY TIME, he would ask, "So how's our girl?"

Um, she's not OUR anything.  She's mine. but mostly she owns herself.  I worked hard to teach all of my kids that.

Why did that absolutely burn me?  I'll tell you why.  She worked HARD for everything she got, both then and now, and none of what thanks to anything I'd done except be her mama.  When she needed me.  But there have been dozens of "friends", relatives, her employers, etc, who tried to take ownership of all she had accomplished (and they still do it and it still makes me crazy).  Her grandmother was the worst. 

"You know, I helped raise her," she'd say.  As if Dancer would be wandering around, still in diapers and sucking a paci if it were left up to me.

PS - sorry for the despairing turn.  Didn't mean that.  Dancer is on my mind today, she is expecting her first (it's a boy) and her due date is today.  I'm expecting a call.  I'm also trying to remind myself how to be the most amazing grandmother / mother / mother-in-law EVAH.