I have way too many things to write about. Every day. Little irritants at work and on the road, the Jerry Springer Show aspects of my life that I try mightily to ignore. Too much to say, sometimes.
I do find that sometimes writing either here or elsewhere purges something that builds up to the point I can't stand it any more. Sometimes it seems to make it worse.
Writing about my first baby and the way my mother-in-law handled it - kind of a purge. Because it occurred to me that in the end, she is the one who has suffered, perhaps the most. As a result of that total breach of trust, sneaking around to feed my baby a bottle just because she disapproved of breastfeeding - in the end, that set the tone of her relationship with me and mine. In the end, because she proved to me that I could not trust her to take care of my children the way I wanted them cared for, she had moved herself to my People I Don't Trust to Take Care of My Children Without Supervision list.
For the past 30+ years, in spite of her crying to my husband before he passed, in spite of multiple overtures and offers, she was rarely trusted to spend time alone with my kids. That was re-confirmed about 6 years ago when she went out of her way to show the kids pictures of their father's funeral. Against my better judgement, I allowed her to take pictures (she's kind of a ghoul that way, must be a Southern thing? I don't know) with the understanding that my children would never see them. She judged that they were old enough - well, yeah, they were/are adults but still it's the principle - and pulled out the pics at Christmas of all things, and passed them around. I was furious all over again.
But still... she is still the loser in all this...
Today, all of my children and grandchildren who live locally came for a visit. They called it an informal playdate, although it wasn't really. We ate hamburgers and mac-n-cheese, cleared the kitchen table and played with paints and colors and stickers and glue - craft time at Lovey's house.
I called MIL and told her they were here - since the purge of blogging I found it in my heart to feel for her isolation from her grandkids. She lives like three miles away. She didn't come because she wasn't feeling well.
I know too little too late perhaps on my part. But it just goes to show that trust violated is not easily re-instated.
On a happier note, I like to think of my home as a haven for my kids and grandkids. I think they do as well. We had tons of fun, they got away with not eating veggies (Hello? It's LOVEY'S house, it's ok ) playing with crafts and having them declared be-yoo-ti-full. The DUCHESS, who will be three next week, kept saying, "It's very very shiny and sparkly Lovey." LULU made a wonderful birthday invitation (our project for the day), just awesome, and BOOGAH ignored all the princess stuff and simply painted on plain paper. He wanted an invitation to take home so he could "decorate" it later.
I regret that my mother-in-law was not here to share in the love and laughter of my children.
